Of course it’s okay to be childish sometimes. It’s okay to miss some parts of your childhood. Having no sorrows. Not caring about the future and fully living the moment. So it can be nice to be childish temporarily – as long as you’re still able to be the woman you normally are. When you’re in a relationship with Ana, you can’t. Actually she puts you back in the role of a child all the time as she tells you what to do. She makes you dependent from others taking care of you. She doesn’t give you enough room to make your own decisions.
But what does it mean to be a woman?
Being a woman (mentally) means to be able to actively seek help if you need it and not to wait until others notice automatically that you have a problem. Being a woman means to be brave enough to look for how you want to lead your life. Your goals, your beliefs. It means to leave your comfort zone and to explore what the world out there can offer you. To follow your own inner voice, instead of Anas.
Yeah it’s pretty clear, I ain’t no size two But I can shake it, shake it like I’m supposed to do ‚Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase All the right junk in all the right places
Apart from the mental side, there’s of course the physical one. I think, what Meghan Trainor sings in the song „All about that bass“ is right: a weak sceletal body is definitely not what „all the boys chase“. I mean, think about it biologically: an undernourished body is simply not able to carry a child. It’s not suitable for reproduction. Ana leaves you with the body of a ten-year-old. It’s not seductive. It’s ugly. Don’t get me wrong, I know that in most cases you don’t find your body attractive either, but what I found is that in recovery it can really help to keep in mind that, with every bite, you also become a little prettier. There’s another important thing that Ana takes away from you: your menstruation. She takes away your possibilty to give birth and therefore the most profound ability that you have as a woman. Sometimes, when a mother and her child are sitting next to me in the bus, I nearly start crying, because I think about how unfair it is that, for me, it’s simply not possible to have the experience of being a mother. Well, let me correct myself, it’s still not possible. It’s worth becoming a woman, because you will never just be able to have a baby, if you are still a child in person.
Being a woman (physically) means to be proud of yourself and your body. Being a woman means not to see your curves as something that has to disappear. Just be aware: it is not your bodies task to look good. Your body has a function. It should be able to carry a child. It has its own rules and needs that you should follow. I mean, what does looking good even mean? How do you define a good looking woman? Skinny, tall, wiry? It’s time that we start to embrace the diversity of female bodies again. That we at least accept it, instead of fighting it. We easily forget that the ideals of beauty change in the course of time. In Ancient greek, curvy woman were honored as the embodiment of feminity and fertility. Or do you think Marilyn Monroe would have been the sex symbol she was without her curves (in fact, she was a size 42/ size 16 in UK!).
Here’s a video on the topic:
So finally, body and soul are connected to each other. That’s something you may already know, but it is important for your self-conception as a woman. If you met Ana, you already experienced how your psyche has influenced your body as you probably lost a lot of weight. But once you’ve been skinny, you’ve also seen how your body and bad health have influenced your psyche – maybe in terms of depression or mood swings. Why should this mechanisms not also work in a positive way? So even if you may think at the moment that you will never see yourself as a woman or that no man in the world will ever find you attractive again: keep fighting! Because only by getting physically better and letting go the child that Ana makes out of you, you can become the woman you want to be!
If you got beauty beauty just raise ‚em up Cause every inch of you is perfect From the bottom to the top