As this is my first post on this blog, I would like to share with you three main reasons for choosing recovery. I mean: why saying bye to Ana? It would be so much easier to stay in that comfort zone, where everything is controlable, predictable and save. It’s quite cozy there on the one hand. On the other, it’s just boring, uninspired and limited by the silly routines that Ana defines. So here’s why to get out there:
- Freedom: It may sound obvious, but I suppose freedom is something you can only truly value if you have been deprived of it for a couple of times. For me, this was the case during my time in the clinic I went to. There were even periods, when I wasn’t allowed to leave my room, because I haven’t gained enough weight. But seriously, back then, I wouldn’t even have known, where I would have gone if the doors had been open. That’s why it is so necessary to gain weight. To be physically strong again, to have the freedom and energy to do things, to exercise or go out for a walk rather than being even to weak to get up in the morning. But getting free from Ana also means to free your thoughts from her. Just not to listen, if she tells you that you don’t deserve that spontaneous piece of cake. Cause you’re free to make your own decisions. You can make the choice to be you!
- Love: The moment you say yes to Ana, there may be fairly more place for anybody else in your life. Of course, you don’t stop loving your family and friends, but for a certain amount of time, they may become secondary. They care so much, while you’re pretending that „everything is alright“ and isolate yourself. They will probably never meet Ana and you should be very glad about that, even if it means that they will never be able to retrace some of your negative feelings. I am so sorry for the dark times, my loved ones had to go through during my relationship with Ana. All I want is to sit together with my friends on a stormy afternoon, talking until it gets dark. To get drunk on a wedding of a family member. To do a roadtrip and to see a sunrise. To kiss somebody and maybe even fall in love sometimes. As Ana is not my best friend anymore!
- Passion: With Ana, there are no more true feelings. Without feelings, there’s no passion. I want to be able to concentrate on conversations again, without having to parallely fight the stupid thoughts in my head. I want to get lost in something. Be creative. Find a work that I regard as meaningful and share it with others.
As I already said: these are only MAIN reasons. God, there are so much more. Little, even tiny, ones. Laughing until it hurts. Your favourite children’s book. Going through a field of sunflowers.
It’s. So. Damn. Worth. It.